A Little Ramble

 

“Everything has changed and yet, I am more me than I’ve ever been.”
-Iain Thomas

I’m currently a bit stagnant. I feel like I’m stuck in the middle between my two selves. The last two weeks I’ve had some eye opening revelations, readings and ideas. I feel like I’m becoming my new self. My last birth changed me. I am new. I have all these ideas and plans in my head that I want to implement, but motherhood makes it a bit hard to just start. I keep finding myself saying I want to do xyz that day, but then I get (understandably) interrupted by someone needing to eat, or a dog needing to go outside to pee or a toddler running through my house like a cheetah. It’s not that I don’t love it all, but I feel like it’s taking me much longer than I want to shed my old self for my new self. With this, my posts have yet again become further apart than I’d like. Right now I’m stealing a few minutes to write this, mostly in order to help my mind work itself out a bit.

We go through so many cycles in life, they literally never stop. I’ve just recently begun the process of accepting the fact that everything really is up and down. I’ve always gone through my life thinking “one day I’ll be happy”, as if there would be someday in the dar off future where I’m just happy all the time with no bad days. That’s just not how life works though, even people without mental health disorders aren’t happy 24/7 365. There are bad moments. Bad days. Bad times. The thing to remember is that we will not be stuck in the bad forever. In the bad days it’s so hard to remember this. Think of all the bad times we’ve gone through before. We made it through all of those bad things we didn’t think we would survive. I didn’t think I’d survive my last pregnancy! Now, here I am on the other side. I survived. I am okay.

I want to try to always remember that I will be okay.

“Walk towards the good in life and one day you will arrive.”
-Atticus

A bit about the me I’m trying to become:

I’m starting to journal every day, it helps so much with my mental health.
I’m listening to my music more again and watching less tv, again this helps a lot with my mental health I find. If anyone has any song recommendations throw them in the comments for me.
I’m practicing reading my cards more, at the least every day I pull one card and read it.
I’m stretching and exercising again. Good for mental and physical health! I feel so much better.
I have plans for new daily schedules, healthier meals, I’m trying to eat less junk, trying to do better with my skincare routine.
I want to watch more documentaries, read more books, spend more time in the sun (hard with a newborn), cook more, bake more, exercise more and think more positively.
We’ve become a bit frustrated with our house as of late, it’s hard when you buy an older home and you want to do so many things to it because it costs so much money and takes up SO much time. However we’ve started to change things up a bit. We’ve hung more things on our walls and we’re working on redoing our backyard. We’ve planned our front yard landscaping for next year and we’re redoing part of our fence in the fall. I planted poppies in the front garden and they’re growing nicely.
I’m trying to make sure I have my DSLR out during the day to take photos of my favourite every day moments with it, rather than just with my phone.
I’m becoming softer. I have always walked around with armour (Scorpio problems). I am believing in the things I’ve always wanted to believe in.
I want to be more vulnerable, open and honest.

So that’s a bit about what’s going on with me I guess! Has anyone else felt stagnant lately? What are you doing about it? If you have any advice let me know in the comments. 

 

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